cosmic-nine-year-old:

once i was at a party and they asked me what my dad did for a living and said that he died when i was 12 and of course i hear the collective “aaawww im so sorry”

and then i hear some girl whisper from the back “you’re halfway to becoming batman”

AND THAT IS HOW I MET ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS MORAL OF THE STORY IS IF YOU USE BLACK HUMOUR I WILL LOVE YOU

(via connivingwitch)

queendread:

I don’t understand the USA, all your roads are straight and all your cities look like they were planned using Excel.

Everyone knows the only way to build a city is to wait until a bunch of tiny villages merge together over centuries and create a sprawling clusterfuck of winding roads that make no sense and have no street signs and are impossible to navigate unless you’ve lived there all your life.

(via connivingwitch)

shrekspeare:

i’d just like to point out that telling someone they’re too skinny and must “eat a burger and put some meat on those bones” is just as rude as telling someone they’re fat and must go on a diet

(Source: internetexplorers, via fartgallery)

silverwolfgirl:

I wonder if misha collins and benedict cumberbatch ever get tired of getting notebooks full of urls 

(via mishamallow)